Ernest T. Bass, 1919-2005
It was with great sadness that Mayberry laid to rest Mr Ernest T. Bass today. Mr Bass, well known throughout Mayberry, died of natural causes, on May 21, 2005. He is survived by his wife Charlene, the former Mrs Dudley Wash. Music for the funeral was provided by Mrs Bass' brothers, Rodney, Doug, and Mirch. Long time Mayberrians in attendance included former Sheriff Andy Taylor, former deputy Barney Fife and wife Thelma Lou, and Messrs Goober and Gomer Pyle,. Services were conducted at the Mayberry All Soul's Church and a reception to honor the memory of Mr Bass was held at the Mayberry Community Center. Although the town will miss Mr Bass a note of humor was injected when Andy Taylor began the reception by simply holding up a rock and saying, “To our friend Ernest T. Bass.”
Editor Opie Taylor's eyes teared over as he wrote his first obituary for the Mayberry Gazette since his return from his job in Baltimore. Memories of Mayberry flooded back as he could almost hear Ernest T's chuckle and see his strange run through the streets of Mayberry. Things certainly had changed in Mayberry since those almost magical days of his youth. He heard a knock at the door and heard it open, “Opie?” Oh, hi Pa, just finishing up Ernest T's obituary. He certainly was a strange one, wasn't he?” “He was a nut, is what he was,” Andy said with a grin. “Ready for lunch?” “Just a minute Pa let me email this to Ruth so she can get it in the paper before the deadline.”
A few minutes later the two Mr Taylors walked out into the bright North Carolina sunshine. Andy, at 78 still had a shock of silver hair while his only son Opie, at 51, had lost most of his reddish hair. They were on their way to the old Mayberry diner to meet Barney Fife for lunch. “It's good to be back home Pa. Eunice has been trying to get us to move almost since we left. It's hard to believe its been almost twenty years. We finally decided to bring the kids back here just to give them a little taste of Mayberry before they left home.”
Andy and Opie walked into the diner and saw their friend sitting at a table in the corner. As they approached he stood up, visibly agitated.
“Ange, Opie, did you hear the news?”
“Calm down Barn, what news?” Andy replied.
“O, Andy its big.”
“What is it Barney?” Opie interjected.
“Its big – REAL big.”
“Barney, sit down and tell us what has you so riled.” Andy said in a way that only a best friend could.
The men took their seats as Barney calmed himself down. “Let's order lunch and talk it over quietly,” Opie was trying to get the older man to calm down. At 80 Barney didn't need too much excitement.
After the waitress left with their order Andy spoke up. “Now Barn, tell us what this big news is.”
“Andy, Opie,” Barney took a breath, “They're going to tear down the courthouse!”
“They're WHAT!?” Both Taylor men jumped up from their seats. “Who's going to tear down the courthouse?”
“O, Andy, its terrible. The state has decided to move the sheriff's office to that fancy new municipal building on the edge of town.” Andy and Opie took their seats and they tried to accept what they had just heard. “But Barn, they can't just tear down the courthouse! Its history and its one of the last historic courthouses in the state!”. “I know Andy, but that's what they say.”
Their food arrived and Opie suggested that as soon as they eat they go over the courthouse to see if Sheriff Johnson had any more details. Andy wanted to go immediately but Barney said, We'd better eat, you know how my body clock is Andy. And ever since they quit making Mr Cookie Bars I surely can't afford to be late with my lunch.” “That old clock still bothering you Barn?” Barney merely grunted in agreement.
When they had finished the three men headed towards the courthouse. “It's hard to believe what they get for a lunch these days Andy. Fifteen dollars for three of us to have sandwiches, plus the tip!”
“Did you leave a tip Barn?” Andy asked.
“Two dollars.”
“Hmm, so did I.” Andy shrugged.
Barney stopped, “Do you think we should go back and get some of that back?”
“No Barney, we need to go see the sheriff. And beside Betty deserves a little extra every now and then. She works hard.”
“I guess you're right.” Barney sniffed.
As the three men entered the courthouse they saw a middle aged man sitting behind and old wooden desk. His desk faced two jail cells, now disused since they had moved the jail to the new municipal building. Nonetheless, they were kept immaculate “just in case.” Sheriff Leon Johnson, a portly, moustached balding man was just unwrapping his sandwich as the men walked in. “You fellas want a sandwich? Sheriff Johnson asked. “What do you have?” said Barney looking with interest. “Peanut butter and jelly.” “Uh, no thanks Leon,” Barney replied, “we just ate. What's this about tearing down the courthouse?”
“Yup, ain't it great! The sheriff said excitedly. “I'm going to get a fancy new state of the art office with full communications equipment for me and my force.” “Oh look, here comes your force” Andy sarcastically remarked as a pimply faced young man barely out of his teens walked out of the back room with a cup of coffee. “Afternoon, Fred.” “Anyway,” continued Leon, “My office is going to have the most update to date computer system with wireless broadband connection! I'll be able to do a full background check when unsavory characters come in to town.”
“That's great Leon, but the courthouse!!” Wailed an exasperated Barney, “What about the courthouse?”
“Well,” said Leon finishing off his second peanut butter and jelly sandwich, “ The state says it could make a huge profit and McDonald's is interested in the property. The town council said this might be just what is needed to bring the old downtown back to life. It looks like a win-win situation all around.
“Leon, can I use your computer?” Opie asked as he walked over to Fred who was playing a Star Wars game on the ancient machine on the deputy's desk. “I reckon, but if you are going online you'll need to unplug the phone and plug in the modem, we're still on dial-up.” Sheriff Johnson was obviously relishing his wireless hook-up in the new office. “Alright – move Fred.” Opie said almost shoving the young deputy out of the way. Fred whined, “Ah, Sheriff, I was just about the beat the Phantom Menace...” “Just save it and move Fred” Leon retorted as Fred reluctantly moved out of the way.
Opie worked quickly as he tried to get the full scoop on the story. As the men at the desk made small talk about the situation he went from news source and finally said, “There, I've got it. Here's the story.” “What is it Ope?” His father asked, “What's going on?”
As Opie hit the disconnect icon he stood and Fred quickly took his seat back at the computer. “Well, Leon has it just about right. We all know that there are a few structural problems with the courthouse. Its needed repairs since before you and Barney were here Pa. The state sent an inspection team and they feel like the state's resources could be better spent moving the sheriff's department and selling this place. McDonald's already has two places in Mt Pilot and one in Siler City and they've been trying to get in here for a long time. They've offered a good price and the town council is meeting tonight to let the state know their feelings. The state has said that they would rather sell the property to the city if they want it and come up with the funds.”
“Andy, what are we going to do?” Barney looked imploringly at his friend.
“I wish I knew Barn, I wish I knew.”
